“I’m telling you, I’ve finally discovered a way to summon humans. Now we can bring them directly to us! We don’t have to wait around for them anymore!”
Baglor raised an eyebrow at Morgoth. “What exactly are you going to do with a human? This isn’t the best environment to keep one in. Remember when Gorgaleth snuck one in and she was nothing but scorched flesh on bones by the time they arrived. You remember that, right? The smell was atrocious. I couldn’t get it out of the carpet for weeks.”
“I thought you liked the smell of scorched flesh?”
“Not in my carpet!”
“Anyway,” Morgoth continued, “this is different. I’m not bringing a human through the fires of Hell. I’m summoning one directly here. Right into this very living room.”
“I repeat, why? We have no use for a human down here. Our whole thing is that we need them to get up there. Why in Hell’s bells would I want one of those smelly meatsacks here? This is my sanctuary.” Baglor was far from convinced.
“Just hear me out, okay. You like things neat and tidy, right?”
“Yes.”
“I’m a slovenly, disgusting pig, right?”
“Yes.”
“You could at least pretend to disagree, you know. Anyway, I got the brilliant idea of having one of them here as a maid!” Morgoth smiled at his most brilliant of ideas. Baglor would be jealous that he didn’t come up with it first.
Baglor slapped him upside the head.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“What? I went to all this trouble and you’re going to shoot me down before I’ve even tried.”
“Yes.”
“Oh ye of little faith. You just sit your pretty little horns down over there and behold as I summon forth the maid of your dreams!”
Baglor rolled his eyes. “Or you could just clean up after yourself?”
“Nonsense! Now shush. I require absolute quiet for this to work.”
Morgoth shuffled through a few papers on the table nearby and selected one. He cleared his throat a few times, puffed out his chest and began.
“Fiddly dee,
Fiddly doo,
I hereby summon by Groot’s hairy toe,
The one I need,
The one I seek,
Bring to me the young and the meek.”
Baglor blinked a few times. “What the Hell was that?”
Morgoth tilted his head. “It was the summoning?”
“I know that, but what the Hell was it?”
“Just you wait. See! I can smell the meaty flesh already.”
“You’re drooling. If you eat the maid we’re not getting another.”
“Hush. Look, there it is! I wonder what we’ll get.”
A shape materialised on the floor. It was that of a baby, not more than three months old.
“Oh you have got to be kidding me!” Baglor threw his hands up in the air. “It’s a human runtling! It’s not even fully grown!”
“Well, you always wanted a child?” Morgoth grinned.
“No.”
“Please?”
“I said no.”
“It’s so cute.”
Baglor shook his head. “Why me?”